The Singleness Project

This is a story about being single and why maybe it’s not the worst thing that could happen to a person.

I could just be trying to convince myself of that, or maybe it’s actually true, but my plan is to find out.

It begins with a 35-year-old girl (I still for some reason have trouble thinking of myself as a woman!)

I’ve had three serious relationships in my life, the most recent ending about 5 months ago.  It was a difficult break-up, as break-ups often are. I always thought they’d get easier with experience, but really they don’t. And maybe the difficulty stemmed from the fact that I held on so tightly, for two years, to the possibility that this might finally be the elusive ‘One’ that everyone is always talking about.  I bent over backwards trying to make it work even though there were a number of issues with the relationship, right from the start, that made the probability of him being my lifelong partner pretty slim. 

I gave up eventually and packed it in; it was simply a matter of self-preservation.

So now, after a few months of sadness and wallowing in self-pity, I’ve decided to pick myself up and see if I can be happy or at least content and enjoy life again. All by myself.

Of couse I would like to be in a relationship again and really find my true life partner, but I’ve decided I will put that on the backburner, at least for the time being.

I would like to have a family some day and my ovaries certainly aren’t getting any younger, but the thing is………I feel like I’ve spent my entire life looking for that special person and trying not to be single.

Maybe it’s something to do with being female, but while guys hang out with their buddies, and further their careers, and cheer for their favourite teams, waiting for the ‘one’ to come along, it seems that us girls are always desperately looking for the ‘one’ and worrying about when he will arrive and where he is and what’s wrong with us that we haven’t found him yet.

Frankly, it’s exhausting.

So I've decided to try focusing more of my attention on just being instead of always thinking I can’t be happy until I meet that special person or get married or have a family.

There are a lot of things in my life that I have to be happy about and thankful for right at this moment:

I have a good career which pays well, provides stability and a sense of fulfillment and purpose. Not that I don’t have my bad days, but overall, it’s pretty good.

I have a lot of excellent, longtime friends. Some of them are married and have families, some are not. But there always seems to be someone to hang out with or talk to.

I have a nice, comfortable place to live, which I saved for and bought myself (with some parental assistance!)

I have a family that loves me and is always there for me.

I have good hair, nice teeth and no weight problems or eating disorders.

I’m smart, kind, have a good sense of humour and people generally like me.

So what's not to be happy about? Is the only thing holding me back from true happiness the fact that I'm not the better half of a couple? Probably not. I know a lot of people in relationships who don't seem all that happy to me.

So begins my singleness project.

Not that I intend to fend off Mr. Right if he happens to come galloping my way but I’m going to try, for the first time in my life, not to make being part of a pair my number one concern.