The dating game

I was chatting with a single friend today who’s dating two guys at the same time.

It’s not that she’s a big, two-timing  ‘ho or anything like that, she’s just trying to find the right person. After a run of online first dates where she said no, no, no with a capital “N” to each, she coincidentally met two ‘yes’s’ around the same time. She’s had about three dates with each even though she assumed she’d be able to scratch at least one by date #2. But that just wasn’t the case because she liked them both. This, if you’ve ever ventured into online dating, is something you don’t just toss away.

The most interesting aspect of the situation is that both guys have a totally different game. Dater No. 1 is cool and casual but continues to show interest with texts every few days and asking her for dates intermittently. Dater No. 2, on the other hand, is super keen and not afraid to show it.

My friend can’t figure out which approach, or which guy, she prefers.

There’s a fine line between keen and desperate and an equally fine line between laid back and non-committal. It depends on how adept each guy is at working his particular shtick.

Keen can be charming and endearing – it makes you feel good about yourself, attractive and wanted. It’s also a turn-on when a man has the courage and confidence to express how he feels, and it’s hot when a guy knows what he wants. But too eager, and especially too eager too soon, is not so cute. When a guy is all in before date No. 3 it just makes him seem insincere, and kinda creepy.

 In the same vein, laid back can be mysterious, challenging and exciting. It gives you time to figure out how you feel about them, the opportunity to get to know them more slowly over time and the space to continue to be your own person.  But if the pace doesn’t pick up after a certain number of dates the wishy-washy “Let’s see how things go” gets tired and loses its appeal.

My friend’s choice will eventually come down to how each relationship unfolds. If Mr. Keen turns into Mr. Overeager with no signs of relaxing into normalcy, he might be kicked to the curb. Conversely, if Mr. Cool doesn’t pick up his game after a certain number of dates, he could lose his chance at the final rose.

It may be in her best interest to start securing Dater No. 3…………..just in case.