Not unlike Gretchen Rubin's 'Happiness Project', this is a Singleness Project. Basically, an attempt to live as happy and fulfilled a life as possible, while flying solo.
Sometimes I seem to forget the original intent of this blog,
to live as happy and fulfilling a life as possible while flying solo. In other
words, prove that it’s not so bad being single.
Thing is, I think I’m cheating a little bit because I do have a
little somethin’ somethin’ on the side.
That’s right folks an FWB.
And while that doesn’t mean I’m not single, it does make my
singleness project a little easier to hack.
I guess we’ve sort of been eachothers’ fallback person for a
number of years. We tend to get in touch when previous relationships have ended
and for the most part there are no strings attached – or at least that’s what
we tell ourselves and eachother.
Most importantly, the chemistry and physical attraction are
strong in addition to the fact that we care about one another and it’s a safe outlet
because of the comfort level after knowing eachother for so many years.
Really, it’s an ideal situation.
But as you might imagine, me being a girl and all, sometimes
the emotional part is a little tricky. We’ve discussed many times, and at
length, the parameters of our relationship: we’re friends, we care about one
another, and we have sex. There is no ‘relationshippy’ part to this; in fact,
we often high-five one another after a particularly successful session and then
share a good laugh. There’s not really any cuddling or hand-holding and
certainly no evening telephone chats about one anothers’ day. The only exception
to the ‘not relationship’ rule is that we do enjoy eachothers’ company enough
to go out to dinners or movies together sometimes as foreplay.
What starts to make it a little tricky is that for a girl,
or woman (which is I guess how I should refer to myself) it’s not the sex that
makes a connection fulfilling. Of course sex is fun and pleasurable and I enjoy
it every time, but then it leaves me wanting more and I don’t mean more sex.
I can go a week or two without talking to or hearing from
him, but then as soon as we’ve been together again physically, all these
emotions start to well up inside dagnammit.
It’s been an interesting social experiment actually.
One evening I tried to explain this strange phenomenon to
him that I feel as normal and fine as can be when we’re hanging out ‘pre-sex’
not thinking about anything besides our friendly chit chat and conversation,
then BAM! As soon as we’ve done the deed, the hormones kick in and all I want
to do is hold hands and nuzzle up to him, keeping him close and talking about
feelings.
Meanwhile, his post-coital mood is almost the exact
opposite.
He’s more likely to be nuzzley and affectionate beforehand,
the hormones building as he anticipates what’s coming next. Then BAM! When he’s
done, he’s done. That’s where the high five comes in.
Why can’t chicks just have sex like dudes? It would really
make life so much simpler. It’s just absolutely unfair that women have to
suffer through having ‘feelings’ connected with the sex.
Imagine if we had to have feelings about eating
cheeseburgers? If we knew that the cheeseburger would taste really great but
when it was gone we would miss it and feel just a little lost without it for a
couple of days? But what are we supposed to do, stop eating cheeseburgers?
The problem with having the cheeseburger, is that instead of
feeling full and satisfied afterwards, a chick starts to long for not just the
burger, but a sandwich with all the toppings to boot.
I wonder if there’s a guy out there who would agree to do
the hand-holding, pillow talk and picnics in the park once I’m done having
great sex with my FWB?
