Que Sera Sera

I was feeling particularly sad for a single friend last night as she nearly broke down in tears explaining to me how lonely she felt.

She’s a successful, accomplished, intelligent and attractive 40-year-old woman, never been married and with no children.  All she’s wanted, desperately, her entire life, is someone she can love and who loves her back.
I understand her pain. I’ve felt that way before and it comes and goes.

It’s just this overwhelming feeling of how unfair it all is. You look at your friends, family members, people on the street, and they all seem to have someone to love and hold hands with; someone to grow old with.  Why not me? You ask yourself.

I told my friend that I can certainly empathize with her; I’ve been paddling along in the exact same boat for years. But then I told her that over the last few months, I’ve been able to make peace with it all to some extent.

“Yeah, you seem really happy,” she said. “Why?”

“Well, why not?” I responded.

I’ve spent many years blaming myself for being single: something’s wrong with me; I’m a failure; I made a colossal mistake when I broke up with so-and-so or threw in the towel with what’s-his-name, etc.  Whatever society might have to say about single women and why they are that way, I could beat myself up better in my own little noggin’!

But gradually, sometime over the past year after finally arriving at the other side of a terrible break up and dealing with the long, heart-wrenching process of my dad’s illness and subsequent death, I decided that I don’t feel like being part of the cast of Les Miserables anymore. It’s exhausting to be miserable all the time. And so, so boring.

Besides whether I’m miserable or content, whining all the time or just trucking happily along, will not make a difference in the final outcome of it all, so why not be happy?

I used to agree with my friend, thinking that it’s so unfair that some people meet the love of their lives and live happily ever after, while some of us remain single and destined to be alone. But as a really smart person once said and as we all well know in our heart of hearts: Life is not fair.

Is it fair that I have a good job that I enjoy, a nice place to live in, a loving family and dozens of wonderful friends while some toddler in Africa is starving to death and will likely never have to worry about the petty struggle to find a mate? No, not really.

It’s not really fair either that one of my most beautiful and sweet friends, married a very beautiful and lovely man, they had two beautiful and healthy children, became successful in two amazing careers which afford them many of life’s pleasures and they won cash for life. Yes, that’s right, cash for life. Sometimes you’ve just gotta shake your head in amazement and smile and say, “Wow, they’re really lucky.”

Nor is it fair that 12 unsuspecting people just hoping to enjoy a midnight showing of the latest installment in their favourite movie franchise ended up the butt of someone else’s sick joke or nightmare, shot up and killed before getting halfway through their popcorn.

None of it is fair. And so much of it is about chance and luck.

Of course, there are things you can do to increase your chances of luck in love, or luck in life, like getting out there, being friendly, outgoing, optimistic, working hard, taking care of yourself, and being open to new things and new people.

However, maybe it’s best to always carry around a healthy dose of ‘Que Sera, Sera’ because in the end there’s only so much you can do before luck and chance step in.

In the end, whatever will be will be so why waste your time being miserable?