Being single ain't so bad..........

As a single gal in my mid-thirties, it would be easy for me to come up with reams and reams of reasons why it’s a terrible state of affairs. But for this particular project, I’m going to take on the challenge of doing the opposite.

One of the things I’ve come to understand recently, through meditation practice, reading, therapy, etc. is that there are often two ways of viewing a situation: one is helpful, and the other is not so much. So why not choose the helpful one? Once you start to focus on and pay attention to your thoughts, you realize that you have control over them and you can actually choose your thoughts! Why not choose the ones that make you feel better?!

I have a favourite magnet on my fridge that says: “Don’t believe everything you think.”

Words to live by I say.

The point I’m trying to get to with this rambling introduction is that, believe it or not, there are some good things about being single.

Do you know that I wake up almost every single Saturday morning and think to myself: “Hmmmm, what am I going to do today?” Most of the time, I make myself some coffee, listen to music and have a leisurely read of the Saturday paper. Then maybe I’ll go for a run, meet some friends for brunch, do a little shopping, and be home in time for a mid-afternoon nap.  In the evenings I’ll meet friends for dinner or a drink, go to a movie, go to some sort of event or gathering, or even just stay home, cuddle up with my two cats, and read a good book or watch a good flick.

I know for a lot of my thirty-something friends, with toddlers and even ‘tweens milling about, this seems like a dream come true.

One of my best friends from University, a stay-at-home mom living in the ‘burbs, with three kids aged 7, 5 and 3, now comes to visit me in the city for a fun night out and to get away from all of her responsibilities.

There was a time a few years back, when being the single one, I would be the one traveling around the region, visiting all of my friends with their newborns and listening politely to their tales of midnight feedings and diaper explosions.

But I’m finding that the tables are starting to turn. My friends are at an age where the novelty of getting married, buying houses, getting pregnant and having babies is starting to wear off.

Real life has officially set in.

I can see this in their relationships which aren’t quite as rosy and romantic as they used to be. In fact at least one good friend has been having marriage difficulties and split from her husband for a time over the past summer.

Not that I wish failed marriages on anyone, least of all my friends, but a good buddy reminded me recently, as I moaned a little bit about being single, that being in a relationship or being married doesn’t solve all of your problems. It doesn’t necessarily make you happier, he pointed out. Lots of married people are now, or are soon to be divorced he said, adding, “So you’re ahead of the game!”

Anyway, I digress.

I really don’t wish divorce and misery on anyone, but in an attempt to make myself feel better as a single, it’s helpful to remind myself that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

I know that a good, fulfilling and satisfying relationship can bring a lot of joy and happiness to one’s life, but in the meantime, while I’m waiting for Mr. Right to come along, I can’t just sit around and mope.

So why not enjoy the wonderful parts of being alone?

For example, I have a big, cozy and comfortable bed that I don’t have to share with anyone! I’m not woken up by snoring, or the stealing of covers, or requests for late-night romps. When I go to bed, (which can be as early as 8 p.m. or as late as 3 in the morning if I want!) I am out for the night. I may have to go pee at least once, but otherwise I’m in snoozeyland until the alarm goes off.

And I can stretch out and take up as much of the bed as I please, wrapping my body around as many pillows as I want.

So there.

Being single ain’t so bad!