Five Goals

As I’ve been writing this blog, I’ve been trying to come up with some goals since I have named it the singleness “project”, and every project needs goals!

So I’ve tried to narrow down my goals to just five; more than that gets a little overwhelming and would make them impossible to accomplish. 

  Here they are:

1.       Be okay with being single.

2.       Do more stuff.

3.       Work on my relationship skills.

4.       Let it go.

5.       Spread the love.

Now I’ll explain.

1.   It’s actually quite difficult to be okay with being single. As much as my ‘trying to be funny’ posts denote how great it is to be single, it’s not always great. In fact, sometimes it’s a drag. It can get lonely, you wonder what’s wrong with you and you also wonder ‘why me?’.  I decided on the goal of being okay with it because I want to reframe my thinking about it. Partly because wandering around being miserable and desperate about being single, is sure to keep things that way! So I figured, why not enjoy it? A married friend of mine gave me some good advice recently saying that things won’t be like this forever (even though it seems like it to a single sometimes!) so enjoy it while you can. She’s right.

2.    Sometimes I can tend toward my introverted side and avoid getting out there and “doing stuff”. So while I’ve got the chance, and the time, I’d like to get out there and do more stuff. Getting out in the world helps anyone feel less lonely and I’m sure that trying new things and meeting new people  will only serve to enhance my life. I’ve started by joining a meditation class and going at least once a week to a new yoga studio. A friend and I are talking about joining the Toronto Outdoors Club which organizes outdoor activities for peeps in the city. And another group, called MeetMarketAdventures (although I’m not sure I love the name!), organizes some great activities for singles such as skiing, hiking, pizza-making and beer nights and wine tasting courses. Finally, I like to run, but I’ve never trained for any sort of running event. I’m thinking that when the ground starts to thaw, I’ll look into training for a 10K or half marathon. It’s good to have a focus when “doing more stuff”.

3.   Number three is a tricky and sensitive one. But I’m pretty sure that I haven’t made it to this age being single without missing something in the relationship department. Sometimes I feel like there must have been a memo sent out in high school that I never got. I always seem to be doing something wrong, from picking the wrong person to asking the wrong questions on date #4! So I’m thinking, just for fun and a little bit of guidance, I might try going to a relationship coach. Maybe they can at least help me try and sort out what I’m looking for and give me a few tips on how to approach things differently. We’ve all got patterns and they’re hard to break out of! Just for interest’s sake, here’s an article I wrote about a relationship coach a few years back.

4.   Let it go includes not dwelling on the past. As a single, it’s hard not to dwell on past mistakes, regrets or wishing things had turned out differently. But I’m learning through my meditation course, which is all about mindfulness and paying attention to now, that really now is all we have, so make the best of it! A book I’m reading by Jon Kabat-Zinn called Full Catastrophe Living points out that “we have only moments to live”. Which is true if you think about it. The  past is over, the future hasn’t happened yet, and all we have are the moments right in front of us. I know it’s cheesy and you’ve heard it all before, but it’s important to make each of those moments count.

5.   Finally, spread the love. As a single it’s hard sometimes not to fall victim to being a victim. That’s something I have to work on! So spread the love is a reminder to put as much love out there, on a daily basis, as possible. Whether you’re feeling it or not. They say that if you put love out there, it will come back to you, and we all know it’s true. I intend to start by spreading some love this coming Valentine’s Day! Instead of focusing on my singleness, I’m going to try to send out as much love as I can to friends and family. Valentine’s Day is all about spreading the love anyway, it doesn’t have to be about roses or expensive dinners or heart-shaped chocolate boxes. Look out people, love is coming your way!

Phew! That’s it for now friends. Let me know if you have any further ideas for my singleness project goals. Any tidbits of wisdom or ideas for how to “Let it go”, “Spread the love” , “Do more stuff” or “Be okay with being single”, are always welcome!

I hope you have a fabulous day and enjoy every moment.

(The idea to have project goals and also some of the goal ideas, re-interpreted for my singleness project, have been inspired by The Happiness Project. Thank you Gretchen Rubin!)